She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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