I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
