yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
