just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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