I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
