Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Its about making memories worth repressing
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
