my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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