woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
