Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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