Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
