I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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