she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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