do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
