yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
