Umm I'm too high to move.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Actions speak louder than pants.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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