No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
