Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
