No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I think my moral compass just broke
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