new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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