We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
