just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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