I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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