we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i will never coherently bang her
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
