i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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