Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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