so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
