so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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