3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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