accomplished twins. life is a go
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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