I just cut my nipple shaving
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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