And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
id be glad to
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
