I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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