This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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