I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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