in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
