I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
