benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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