I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just blew my weed a kiss
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
