I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
