Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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