I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
