Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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