omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
