You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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