she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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