Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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