I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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