found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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