His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i think i just lost a toe
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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