she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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