Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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